A puddle of sunlight,
A cat,
And me,
Lost in a daydream
Our minds roaming free.
"What are you thinking. "
The cat asked of me.
"I'm thinking of catnip
And a fat bumblebee. "
"My mind is empty."
Was my reply..
"I feel so relaxed."
I breathed a deep happy sigh.
A puddle of sunlight,
A cat,
And me,
Sitting together
Just we three.
"I have to go now. "
Sunlight said
"It's getting late
And time for bed."
In the moonlight
My cat and me
Slept together
Peacefully.
Terrible use of "me" ... oh well.
I have just realized (and yes, I am a little slow on the uptake) that I am living in my future.
I've been a child, a scholar, a wife, a mother, a worker, a grandparent and now I am an elderly retiree. This is my future. There is no more on the horizon for me except more of the same until I slip into infinity. I have no need to prepare for any more stages of life.
I have done what I can to take any burden off our daughter and society....our ultimate 'disposal ' costs have been prepaid. I continue to rid our home of unnecessary items that otherwise would have to be disposed of by someone else. I have no debt left to be taken care of. If our present living accommodation becomes more than we can handle we will take action and move to assisted living in this senior community.
All i have to do now is get from the beginning to the end of each day until there are no more days. I am living in my future.
I don't watch the news anymore. Every day is the same...war, brutality. Homelessness, famine, murder. natural disaster, corrupt politicians etc. Here's how I feel about it. I am in the final quarter of my life. I have done my bit and contributed to society to the best of my ability. I would very much like to live my last few years in peace. Am I selfish? Perhaps. As it is I am caring for a disabled husband and am not in the greatest condition myself. I have done everything I can to simplify our lives and to reduce as much stress as possible. Yes I am aware that there are people in this world who do not have the luxury of a safe, peaceful, uncomplicated life and my heart and prayers go out to them but at this stage in my life I don't want to hear about it anymore. Like the ostrich I have stuck my head in the sand.
Okay...Why do I refer to myself as a senior hermit? The senior part is obvious, I'm old, but the hermit part...yeah...here goes.
I am not a people person. I never have been. My people intake has to be in very small doses indeed. I prefer to spend my time on my own. Yes I am married and yes it can be a problem given as my husband is a very sociable person and is very needy when it comes to people contact.
Why have I titled this blog The Senior Hermit? The senior part is obvious. The hermit part? I am not a people person.
While I am probably a born introvert I think the condition was probably exacerbated by childhood environment. I was an only child with no other children in the immediate area. My companion were my parents and grandparents and their associates.
When I went to school (a one room school miles from our home) I was appalled to find myself surrounded by children...around 20 of them of all ages. They were children, they talked and acted like children, I was an adults in my speech and actions. School was a misery.
My poor mom realized there was an issue and tried to socialize me by inviting kids over to play with me. We all begged her to stop. It was too late.
Anyway life progressed, school was gotten through and work life began. I was at my last job for 20 years and I am most grateful to the large Canadian corporation that employed me for keeping me and tolerating my weirdness.
Now I am deliriously happily retired. I am a contented seniors hermit happily avoiding social contact as much as possible.
So there you have it...why the senior hermit...not that anymore asked lol.
I find it interesting that everything fake in the world that man has created has been crafted from elements already existing in the world. If an artificial element is made from already existing elements then, is it artificial or just an extension of one or more existing elements...ie...real?
I used to buy every decorating magazine I could get my hands on. USED TO. I would absorb the many different styles...modern, mid century, traditional, Scandinavian...etc...
Now, of course, there are many more styles...boho, cottage, modern farmhouse, dark academia. Etc.
I look around my home. What, I wonder, is my style. I have furniture and accessories inherited from my parents, grandparents and great grandparents and a few new items I have purchased myself both from retail outlets, thrift stores, garage sales and even from the giveaway table in our building. How does one label this look? It's comfortable, cozy, practical....what is it? I guess all that matters is that it pleases my eye and I'm content with it. I don't want to live in a home that has been designed like a stage set within which I 'produce ' my life. This cobbled together conglomerate IS my life.
